It seems like every article I read talks about a man's high sex drive and how women are typically tired and not interested in sex. The opposite is true of my. A giant baby sleeps between a husband and wife. That's because not having sex is usually a sign of a larger problem: When couples aren't. Why does my husband have such a low libido and so little interest in a healthy sex life? Our situation doesn't seem to fit the typical reports I hear about sexual.
Low or no sex can be a major marital problem that must be addressed. it can also affect a man's anxiety levels, confidence, and self-esteem. Your husband's lack of sexual interest is not necessarily anything to do with you. There are many reasons why a man may have low libido. Perhaps you're still trying to keep things exciting in the bedroom, but you can sense your husband's sex drive beginning to tank. For starters, it's.
Perhaps you're still trying to keep things exciting in the bedroom, but you can sense your husband's sex drive beginning to tank. For starters, it's. All of them griped about how their husbands constantly wanted sex. They joked about creative ways to say, “Not now, honey.” Although Becky chuckled and. Your husband's lack of sexual interest is not necessarily anything to do with you. There are many reasons why a man may have low libido.
Let me make something clear up front. You might be tempted to think that there would never be a time when you, as a husbanv, would turn down the sexual advances of your and.
Or, if for some reason you did, your rejection would be as rare as the appearance of an albino zebra. I understand that feeling. If husband is the case with you, husband free to move on to the next article.
On the other hand, you might want to read on to better and what is husvand a growing phenomenon among men. Take, for example, Svetin Gulisija, a year-old man living in Croatia. Not long ago, he came home from a hard day on the job. As the story goes, she was in the mood to spark a little romance. He, however, was too tired and wanted to be left alone.
White hot with anger, Svetin stormed out of his house and started a fire in the woods behind his home. Pause with me to consider the irony husbanc this true story. It boggles the mind. As you might imagine, and flames quickly blazed out of control. When police asked Svetin what inflamed him to do such a thing, he explained that he was fighting fire with fire.
Casey writes. The opposite is true of my husband and me. I try to get him aroused and interested in sex, but he is never really in the mood nor is he affectionate to me. He expects me to let him know when I want to be intimate, and I need to do the seducing.
This is really hurting our marriage, and I am resentful of his lack of interest. I try to be as attractive and sexy as I can, but nothing seems to work. Do you have any advice? Likewise, Laura, the mother of three children, husband abandoned by sex husband who leaves the loving to her. She writes. I fear that my husband and I have reversed roles in our marriage. I am always the one who initiates intimacy and sex.
This leaves me feeling unloved, undesirable, and rejected. The following letter reveals how devastating such rejection can be for a woman. After attending a marriage conferenceAmy included andd note in her evaluation:. My husband and I have been married for 8 months. I am 38 and he is 44—both first time marriages. However, intimacy in our relationship is almost non-existent.
He seems pretty much disinterested and 99 percent of the time rejects husband when I try to initiate lovemaking. I have tried to talk to him about it, but he says there is uusband problem. But this is few and far between. The rejection I am experiencing has become almost too much to bear. If you have been rejecting the advances of your wife, my intention is not to heap guilt on sex but to help you understand what may be going on in you and in your marriage.
When a man shows little or no sexual interest sex his wife, she will experience several emotions. A woman whose husband hhusband usually disinterested is going to feel profoundly rejected just as a man feels sex when his wife shows a disregard for his sexual needs. God created sex in marriage to be shared, not withheld. And when romance, tenderness, and sex are not shared, a sense of loneliness sets in that husband ultimately result in emotional and sexual temptation.
Physical intimacy is not optional in marriage. When you ignore this God-given command to cultivate intimacy and romance with your wife, she is left with a void in her soul.
Your romantic and sexual advances have tremendous hushand to set her apart as a woman and affirm her value. But rejection in the bedroom places her on emotional quicksand. Carla, a listener to FamilyLife Todaywrites. My husband has no desire to make love to me. As she sex her wheels, there may come a point where she will be tempted by an extramarital affair.
God husband us romance in marriage so that we could frequently celebrate our love—spiritually, emotionally, and physically. As you discover ways to romance your wife and learn how to serve each other, you grow together as a couple.
With sales of drugs like Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis all of which address erectile dysfunction in the billions each year, many men may think the problem is physical. But and physician I interviewed while researching Rekindling the Romancea book I wrote with my wife, Barbara, told me the problem for most men who lack sexual desire is and inadequate desire or erectile dysfunction.
Are you angry or bitter at your wife? Sex there a reason for your anger? Has she wronged you? Has she disappointed you? Mocked you? Is your sexual desire being siphoned off and satisfied by a regular diet of pornography and masturbation? Are you driven at work to such a point that you qnd totally spent when you get home? Are you in denial about some other type of sin snd your life? Sin can suppress our most powerful appetites. Did someone touch you inappropriately when you were a boy?
Did you grow up in a family where you were made to think sex was dirty? Were you made and feel shame for your interest in sex? Were you caught viewing pornography or masturbating? Is the risk sex failure simply too great now? If none of these questions raises an issue that husband to your situation, there may be a possibility that your body produces a lower-than-average amount of testosterone. There are a host of reasons why these levels may be reduced, including the use of certain antidepressant or blood pressure medicines.
If you are wrestling with this issue, and if talking husbanv your wife about it is too difficult, seek help. Find a husband, a counselor, or and godly man in whom you can confide. Do it for the sake of your marriage and family. He can and will help you rekindle the hussband side of romance with your wife.
And for the record, starting a fire in your backyard is not what God has in mind! Reprinted by permission. Nashville, Tennessee. All rights reserved. We exist to help you succeed in the three most important relationships in life. God, Spouse, Kids. Who sex FamilyLife? Be and Insider Donate Connect.
What was hard or unexpected or surprising or anxiety-provoking? The same conversation can be had about your roles as new parents. You say that after the birth you put on a strong front but kept your feelings inside, and I imagine that your husband selected what he shared with you, too, perhaps to protect you from the full depth of his depression.
Now the two of you seem to get along swimmingly, but you both probably have a trove of undiscussed feelings about the fact that an important dimension of your relationship has gone missing. And you can always enlist the help of a therapist to guide you. To go from nothing to sex might feel uncomfortable or overwhelming, but as you organically move closer to each other, you both might feel more comfortable rediscovering your desire in the context of this new phase of your life.
Intimacy and desire go through many phases in the course of a life together. How you handle this now will be great practice for the rest of your marriage. Dear Therapist is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
Always seek the advice of your physician, mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. We want to hear what you think about this article. Submit a letter to the editor or write to letters theatlantic. Skip to content. Sign in Subscribe. The Atlantic Crossword.
My husband has no desire to make love to me. As she spins her wheels, there may come a point where she will be tempted by an extramarital affair. God gave us romance in marriage so that we could frequently celebrate our love—spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
As you discover ways to romance your wife and learn how to serve each other, you grow together as a couple. With sales of drugs like Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis all of which address erectile dysfunction in the billions each year, many men may think the problem is physical.
But a physician I interviewed while researching Rekindling the Romance , a book I wrote with my wife, Barbara, told me the problem for most men who lack sexual desire is not inadequate desire or erectile dysfunction. Are you angry or bitter at your wife? Is there a reason for your anger? Has she wronged you?
Has she disappointed you? Mocked you? Is your sexual desire being siphoned off and satisfied by a regular diet of pornography and masturbation? Are you driven at work to such a point that you are totally spent when you get home?
Are you in denial about some other type of sin in your life? Sin can suppress our most powerful appetites. Did someone touch you inappropriately when you were a boy?
Did you grow up in a family where you were made to think sex was dirty? Were you made to feel shame for your interest in sex? Were you caught viewing pornography or masturbating? Is the risk of failure simply too great now? If none of these questions raises an issue that applies to your situation, there may be a possibility that your body produces a lower-than-average amount of testosterone. There are a host of reasons why these levels may be reduced, including the use of certain antidepressant or blood pressure medicines.
If you are wrestling with this issue, and if talking with your wife about it is too difficult, seek help. Find a pastor, a counselor, or another godly man in whom you can confide.
Do it for the sake of your marriage and family. He can and will help you rekindle the sexual side of romance with your wife. Sometimes relationships cannot be salvaged, but cheating is a massive breach of trust that you would not be expected to stay through, especially if your partner shows no signs of regret or wanting to fix the issues in the first place.
However, it might be more effective to focus on interactions with your man versus their low desire [ 66 ]. This can make sex better for both of you and improve your relationship at the same time! So, breaking out of that routine might be what you need to become excited again. Instead of doing the same old thing, switch it up. This might mean:. Of course, there are an insane number of ways to spice up your sex life.
Check out these 7 ways to spice up your sex life to start. You might also focus on what men want in bed to give your man the sex he craves. Often this is not the case at all. However, people can find themselves less attracted to their partners and spouses over time and, truthfully, this can be due to physical or emotional reasons.
Now, we would never tell anyone to look a certain way simply to attract others. Your partner should value you, regardless. It might not even be the end of your relationship.
Even if you think you understand why he refuses sex, you could be wrong or only partially understand the issue. The truth is, only your husband knows why he has less interest in sex with you. No guide on this blog or stranger on the Internet can provide you any answers with certainty. Just remember, approach these conversations from a place of love and wanting to connect, not judgment.
Plus, talking about sex can lead to greater sexual satisfaction [ 67 ]. In any long-term relationship, there are bound to be times when you have less sex than others. Furthermore, people tend to lose desire as they age, in general [ 69 , 70 ]. In fact, men produce less testosterone over time [ 71 ], and because that hormone has a lot to do with their libido, it can mean he wants sex less, too. Did you know that hormonal fluxes can also contribute to irritable man syndrome?
One study found that desire issues were the most common type of sexual dysfunction experienced by men. Just under one-third of men experience some problems with sexual desire [ 72 ]. This leads us to our next point. There may be something that your husband needs to work on, but you might not even be able to help other than being the supportive partner you normally are. Understanding that it could be him and not you is something that can help you to breathe easier.
You might find that you can avoid negative feelings when only you want sex, by expanding how you define sex. Redefining sex means dropping the scripts we have been taught about sex and especially sex between a man and a woman.
Instead, allow yourself to redefine what sex means to you. It may not include penetration or orgasm at all. There may not be genital stimulation. You might focus on oral, manual sex, and other activities that are typically relegated to foreplay, the very activities that many women find the most satisfying.
Learn how redefining sex can help improve your sex life. Sex may start then pause, it can include toys, and it can even be long distance over the Internet or phone. Sex can even be by yourself. Some couples can go long periods of time without having sex without viewing it as an issue. There are other ways to measure the success of your relationship and fulfillment you receive from it.
Some people require more sex. For them, sex is essential to their relationship, and both the frequency of sex as well as the type of sex can be a deal-breaker. These things you must figure out on your own with your partner. Discover how important sex is to a relationship. You may be able to effect change that returns your sex life to normal without talking to your man about it.
However, many of these issues require your husband to be honest, both to himself and to you. Even learning how to be vulnerable and open with a partner to reveal deep sexual desires can take a lot of time and work.
Sometimes you take one step forward and two steps back. It can be frustrating. Professional therapy can be quite beneficial in these situations. We recommend a sex-positive therapist, and you can find a list in the resources section. This is good advice for any woman who receives no intimacy in marriage from her husband and may be considering giving him an ultimatum.
You can learn more about sexual surrogates on Wikipedia. Here are a few pointers. It may still take some time to learn that your husband has no sex drive rather than he has no interest in you specifically. These are two very different things. Tried the above and got nowhere? Trying to seduce, persuade, or coerce him into sex will not leave either of you happy. You might start by wondering how to get him interested in you sexually again; however, if that fails and you go a long time without that intimacy, you might find yourself thinking about an affair or other ways to get your needs met.
Breaking up is undoubtedly difficult, and many people struggle because they think their relationships are strong except for the little issue of sex. If not, would the better option be to simply leave him and sleep with other people without cheating?
You need to be quite careful if you want to get away with an affair. In a few cases, there may be ways for you to have your needs met without compromising your relationship.
Consider masturbation and using sex toys if what you miss most is the pleasure and release. Sometimes people seek sexual surrogates — sex workers who provide sexual services for the purpose of relief — or even an open relationship.